Thursday, December 20, 2007

Why I won't make a good counselor. Or, why I'm the best counselor ever.

I say, at my job, that I'd never make a good counselor. Well, either that or I'm going to be the best ever. Mind you, I don't have the background to do it, but this is what I think (In the voice of if I were a counselor, not as an IT System Administrator):

Why are you here? Are you here because you are doing something you don't like and would like to change? Do you REALLY want to change, or do you just want me to acknowledge what you're doing so you feel like confession is change? I don't want to hear it. Seriously. And I'm not here to make you feel good about the choices that you're making that are bad. Yes, I get it that you're making *some* good choices, but you wouldn't be here, in front of me, if you were making consistently good choices, would you?

Stop what you're doing, stop it for at least 6 months, then come back and prove it to me. You want a cheerleader? I'm not it. You want dispensation? Not here. You don't need a counselor/psychiatrist. You need a support/life coach. I'm not it.

Then I got thinking about couples therapy. Basically, it comes down to:
"Why are you here?" "Why are you here? Did she force you to come here?"
"In one sentence, tell me what your position on this subject is." "Now, tell me what your problem is."
"Listen, did he have this behavior when you married him? Did you expect him to change or you to change him?" "You, why, if you know this is a problem, aren't you working to reduce this issue?" "And You, why is this a problem, NOW, after all this time?"
"No, see the issue is you saw this behavior before you got married. You let it go all this time, and now it's a problem? What, are you insane?"
No, really.

"What is your position on the issue?" "And what is your position on the issue?"
"Do you have any positive hope that your viewpoint will change after any significant amount of time in counseling?" If not, then your viewpoint is only going to get more solidified.

If the person who did the behavior was contrite and considered counseling to resolve the issue, there is hope. If the other suggests counseling, then it's not worth a lot, and it should be worked out so that counseling is a shared consideration.

Basically, if you are coming to me for counseling, you better be already on the way to fixing the issue and stop making the stupid choices/behaviors. If the one *is* working on making better choices, accept it, encourage it, and stop the nagging.

Life's not perfect. Life's not fair. Choices have consequences. Accept this, make good choices, and stop repeating the same behaviors expecting different results. If you are coming to me to help you make good choices, thank you, but I'm concerned that you are an adult who cannot figure out what the right choice is. What a legacy you must leave for those around you [/sarcasm]. Sometimes, it just is YOUR FAULT.

And that is what I feel would happen if I were to be a counselor. Which I am not, much to the thankfulness of people who might know me. Actually, I'm a pretty well-liked System Administrator. If you understand what that means, and also what garbage in, garbage out means, you'd understand why I'm ranting in such a fashion. Just be glad I'm working on your computer and not on your relationships.

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